My Life

hhmmmm.....

2009-08-21T18:54:00.000-07:00

heyy whats good???...ha lol yea its kinda crazy right now...lol im at my friends boyfriends house and he wants to do some crazy things with his girl and me...but the thing is is she is my best friend...idk if i can do it...i dont want to betray her. but other then that idk how things are...i finally woke up and realized that i need to get my life straight before i dig a hole deeper then i already have. i moved out of my parents house to get my shit straight...but yea idk....and i finally told brett that i was done trying to be with him that we are just gonna be friends...but anyways idk what else is goin on....same shit different day...lol

the life right now...

2009-05-22T11:38:00.000-07:00

well me and brett got together but now we broke up and are still friends...we just have a stronger friendship then we do for a relationship...so it works out...but there is this other guy that i like and he is amazing...we both want the same thing but he doesnt really actually know what i want he just knows that i want to be with him...but i might be goin to hangout with him today so we can talk then...it just seems a little weird because he was my exboyfriend jimmys friend and we have wanted eachother since the day we met...and now we are finally gonna make a move after a year of not knowing we have wanted to be with eachother...my friend told me that i need to chose a guy that is gonna make me nervous and give me butterflies and everytime i see him my heart skips a beat...and everything else that she told me actually happens so its kinda weird that she told me that when it really happens like that...lol
i went to court on the 30th of april after i went to texas for 2 weeks...that was fun but court wasnt i go back on june 4th to find out more...

the life of pretty much hell...some good stuff....

2009-04-10T09:59:00.000-07:00

heyy...so things aren't going so good right now...i had court on the first of this month and found out that i have 2 felony charges against me for bad checks...so now i have to go back on the 30th to find out exactly what is going on and what is gonna happen to me...but inbetween all of that life is goin pretty good...just been chillin with shelly and everyone...i kicked my ex out of my house yesterday..lol it was pretty fun because that was actually one time that i was allowed to be a bitch towards him without getting yelled at...normally im told to be nice to him..but i was happy when i could be the way i wanted to be but hey what can i say???? i also told him that i wasnt in love with him anymore and that we werent ever gonna get back together that i was in love with someone else and that is actually goin pretty good...we might just end up getting together before i go to jail...idk tho...;)

the life is turning for the good...lets keep it that way!!!! :)

2009-01-21T10:44:00.001-08:00

so i had court today...i wish i would have plead guilty because then i would have just gotten a fine and been done with it...but no the prosecutor plead me not guilty so now i have to go back on the 6th of febuary. and i actually just started talking to this guy that i have known for awhile and me and my friend just found out today that he likes me the way that i thought he did but just wasnt sure...we both want to date eachother but he wants to chill first before we do...im really happy now and if i move in wit him down in the cities then i can get a job and be living good...i cant wait til the day comes...and i was actually thinkin about gettin back wit my ex...but not anymore...now i can be wit the one i like....its great and i am really happy!!!

wats goin on...

2008-12-20T17:00:00.000-08:00

hey wats poppin...there is a lot goin on here...i jus found out that i might have to go to jail again because my checks came back....and the fact that i heard some news about a friend of mine basically cheatin on my ex jimmy wit her ex husband...i think its pretty fucked up but yet now he knows how i felt when he was doin the shit to me but he wants to hook back up wit me and work things out...but then there is someone else that i like and he likes me a lot too...and idk if i want to take the chances of gettin hurt again by jimmy. idk if i can trust him anymore...my heart wants me to so bad but its jus the fact that idk if i can...it hurts....and i love him to no end....he is my boo...he will always be my boo no matter wat or who comes between us. i love him soooooooo much...and honestly right now idc if russ quits talkin to me or not because its who i want to date...but then he is jus watchin out for me and watchin my back so i dont get hurt again because he cares...and i realize that but i want to be wit someone that makes me happy and he makes me happy most of the time. idk wat to do....

At Home....

2008-11-23T08:24:00.000-08:00

so im at home now....i quit talkin to everyone well except my brother russ and steph...and shelly and my other brother david its gonna be hard but i know that i can do it....and i also want to go back to school and steph told me that she would give me the 20 for the application fee but i need to show her that i can and want to go back to school.....

wats poppin

2008-11-15T00:35:00.000-08:00

hey wats good???? not a whole lot here....jus chillin...i am thinkin about movin back home and gettin back on my feet for sure..but then a part of me doesnt want to move back home but jus get my shit straight...idk i gotta think about it....

My Life[the game]

2008-11-11T17:24:00.000-08:00

"My Life"(feat. Lil Wayne)

[Intro]Punk ass motherfucka!Bitch ass nigga!
What were you gonna do?
Kill me in my sleep u bitch ass nigga?
Tupac, Biggie shut the fuck up!Fucking dogs, they barking shit...Don't shoot me!
Don't shoot me!Fuck you nigga!

[Chorus (Lil' Wayne)]
And I'm grindin' until I'm tired
And you ain't grindin' until you die
So I'm grinding with my eyes wide
Looking to find,
A way through the day
The life of the night
Dear lord you've take so many of my people
I'm just wondering why you haven't taken my life
Like what the hell am I doing right?

[Verse 1 (The Game)]
Take me away from the hoodlike a state penitentiary.
Take me away from the hoodin a casket or a Bentley.
Take me away...Like I overdosed on cocaine,or take me away
like a bullet from Kurt Cobain.Suicide.I'm from a windy citylike do or die.
From a block close towhere Biggie was crucified.
That was Brooklyn's Jesusshot for no fucking reason.
And you wonder why Kanyewear his Jesus pieces.
(My life!)
Cause that's Jesus people,and Game he's the equal.
Hated on so muchPassion Of The Christ need a sequel.
Yeah, like Rockefeller need a Segal.Like I needed my father,
(My life!)
but he needed a needle. I need some meditationso I can lead my people.
They askin’ why?Why did John Lennon leave the Beetles?
And Why every hood niggafeed off evil?
Answer my question before this bullet leave this Desert Eagle.

[Chorus (Lil' Wayne)]
And I'm grindin' until I'm tired
And you ain't grindin' until you die
So I'm grinding with my eyes wide
Looking to find,
A way through the day
The life of the night
Dear lord you've take so many of my people
I'm just wondering why you haven't taken my life
Like what the hell am I doing right?

[Verse 2 (The Game)]
We are not the same,
I am a martian.
So approach my Phantom doors
with caution.You see them 24's spinnin'
I earned them.I ain't no preacher, but here's my Erick Sermon
So eat this black music and tell me how it taste now
and fuck Jesse Jackson because it ain't about race now.
Sometimes I think about my life
with my face down.Then I see my sons
and put on that Kanye smile.Damn I know his mama proud,
and since you helped me sell my dream,
we can share my mama now.And like MJB,
no more drama now.Livin' the good life,
me and Common on common ground.
I spit crack,and niggas could drive it outta town.
Got a Chris Paul mind state,I'm never out of bounds.
My life use to be empty
like a Glock without a round.Now my life full
like a chopper with a thousand rounds.

[Chorus (Lil' Wayne)]
And I'm grindin' until I'm tired
And you ain't grindin' until you die
So I'm grinding with my eyes wide
Looking to find,
A way through the day
The life of the night
Dear lord you've take so many of my people
I'm just wondering why you haven't taken my life
Like what the hell am I doing right?

[Verse 3 (The Game)]
Walked through the gates of hell,
see my Impala parked in front,
with the high beams on.
Me and the devilsharing chronic blunts.
Listening to The Chronic album,
playin' backwards.Shootin' at pictures of Don Imusfor target practice.
My mind fucked up, so I
cover it with a Raider hood.I'm from the city that made you
motherfuckers afraid of Suge
Made my Grandmother pray for good
and never made her happy,
but I bet that new Mercedes could.
Ain't no bars, but niggas can'tescape the hood.
They took so many of my niggas,
that I should hate the hood.But it's real niggas like me
that make the hood.Ridin' slow in that Phantom
just the way I should.With the top back
and my Sox hat.I'm Paid in Full,the nigga Also couldn't stop that.
Even if they brought the nigga Pac back,
I'd still keep this motherfucker cocked back.

[Chorus (Lil' Wayne)]
And I'm grindin' until I'm tired
And you ain't grindin' until you die
So I'm grinding with my eyes wide
Looking to find,
A way through the day
The life of the night
Dear lord you've take so many of my people
I'm just wondering why you haven't taken my life
Like what the hell am I doing right?

My Life [4X]

The Good Life

2008-11-11T17:14:00.000-08:00

Wats poppin???? everything is actually goin ok right now...my brother is in treatment..thats the downside of life right now...im so used to hangin out wit him all the time that and now i cant for 21 days...it kinda sucks but i still get to hangout wit his girl....im still tryin to find another job...its not really goin over so well...im gonna try to start community service either tomorrow or the next day...i have to do 13 days of it....95 hours...its not that bad...but its still alot...the plus side of that tho is that i wont have to worry about goin to jail or any of that bullshit anymore...i started hangin out wit ricky and jake alot more too...i havent done that in like a year...but now we are all gettin along jus fine....its amazin because me n ricky never got along unless he wanted somethin from me..but now he is jus bein nice and i want to know what happened to the old ricky...some of him is still there but most of him has changed....its really weird...but i like it...anyways...me n jimmy are still talkin...he hasnt really been around much but i was also told that if i get back with him that my brother is gonna never talk to me again...and i dont want that but i want to get back wit jimmy but if its gonna cause me to lose him then i dont kno if i want to take the chances of that....so now i jus need to figure out how i am gonna tell jimmy that i dont want a relationship wit him...and thats the hard part because we both still love each other but another part of me wants to think that he doesnt but then why would he do all of this and tell me he still loves me when...idk...its confusing and i jus need to figure it all out....

life....

2008-11-02T08:48:00.000-08:00

wats poppin...life is kinda goin good...i did find a job but then fucked it up by not goin to my orientation....i got back into community service..matt came over the other weekend and told me that he wanted to be wit me but he jus needed to get back on his feet and get his shit straight...so i was like ok...but i dont want him anymore...i dont like him like that anymore....i have lost all respect for him to likin him like that....its crazy because he was the reason why i broke up wit jimmy and now i dont even want him anymore...its crazy...but anyways...i have been stayin out of trouble pretty good...dealin wit a lot of drama...it sucks..and me and my friends might be losin the place that we are livin at right now...so idk wat ima do....it sucks because i cant go home so now im like pretty much screwed and i cant deal wit it....

wats poppin....

2008-10-27T16:34:00.000-07:00

heyy...wats good?? there has been some crazy shit goin on lately....me n jimmy are friends again...thats amazin im so happy that we are friends again...tony wants me back he says he misses me and i jus totally made a point out to him because he wanted tina but then her and jimmy got back together so then he had to back off and then i guess decided that he wanted me back but i told him that jus bc he had to back off from her doesnt mean that he is gonna get me back and think that its ok and that everything can go back to normal....sorry not gonna work that way...
i started hangin out wit some crazy ppl again....andrew...he is amazin too....he is goin through some issues right now...but im gonna help him out and get him to think that he isnt gonna get set up because im not gonna....but im not gonna stop talkin to other people so he dont get set up from them and not me....
im tryin to find a job right now...but its kinda hard because there is really no where hiring and wit all my shit that i have gone through its gettin hard because i dont want to get in trouble but its kinda hard...
my mom seperated herself from me and decided that she is finally gonna let me live my life the way that i want and she cant do it for me.....

whats been goin on lately....

2008-10-18T10:33:00.000-07:00

so yea me n tony got back together but then i realized that he was just like jimmy so i broke up wit him...well in the mean time...he was all over a friend of mine while we were datin so i was like screw this im not gonna deal wit this again....and i moved into an apartment wit some friends so now im in town all the time and i can be there all i want....its fun....but then i told tina that i wanted to talk to jimmy and be friends wit him again so i did...and we talked for hours about everything that we could think of talkin about...it was so much fun i seriously felt like i was his girlfriend again because of the way we were talkin about ####....but i had so much fun...

The Breakup

2008-10-11T22:55:00.000-07:00

Well today me and tony were supposed to go for a walk on the trails alone and just be with eachother...but then he said that he got to thinkin about this past weeked...and kept testin me and shit all day without me knowin that he was gonna do it....and it pissed me off everytime that he did it or said somethin that would piss me off that i just started getting fed up with it and then tina saw me and needed to talk to me about jimmy....he is startin to treat her like shit now too....that boy seriously needs to learn how to treat women....but anyways we were hangin out and i saw dave and jeremy....my homeboys and then i saw andrew....but he is a loser anyway...
but anyways....tony broke up with me because of last weekend and blah blah blah...same usual drama in the town of cambridge....so i text dave and asked him where he was and said i need to talk to him so he came to the library and we talked then him and tony went and talked then we all talked and then me and tony talked when i was walkin with him and then just all of a sudden he said that he needed to walk alone to think so i was like ok bye....and then i asked him if he thought about it and he was like well what do u want me to do what do u think i should do...and i told him i didnt know that it was up to him that i wasnt gonna have him do somethin he didnt want to....
so then its kinda been blah ever since that....he knows that he hurt me and i know that i hurt him by doing what i did and i think we just need to work it all out and give eachother another chance and just prove to eachother that we can keep a trust going....but its all up to him on what he wants to do...i already know...but its him....so hopefully we will get back together and just work on our differences and solve our problems.....

My lovely night of drama

2008-10-09T13:59:00.000-07:00

I decided to choose Elmo over chris and so last night i got a phone for just texting and i text chris and he text me back and said hey call me...so i did off of elmo's phone and he asked me what i wanted and so in a nutshell i told him that i was datin elmo...bad thing to do but im glad i did it...but then he started drama...my own mother took his side and now disowns me because i didnt choose who she wanted me to choose....chris threatened elmo and said that he could make his life a living nightmare and shit like that....really pissed me off...so i text him and said that he needed to leave us alone and to quit wit the threats or i was callin the cops and to see how much he would like me then....then he told me to go to hell and called me the C word....im not gonna break up wit someone just to make the other person happy when im not gonna be....but anyways...my mom started textin me and elmo and sent some nasty comments....i told her that it was my own choice on who i could and couldnt date and that i was happy wit the one i picked....
She didnt like that too much because then she said fuck you and told me to get my shit and basically never to talk to her again....so if its gonna be that way and if she is gonna take someone elses side and not her own family then i guess thats the way its gonna be because im happy wit the man im wit and nothin or no one is gonna change that.....she try to do wat she did to me when i was wit jimmy which was try to get me to talk to chris and get me to go back to him....it didnt work because i kept tellin her no over and over....it aint gonna work now....sorry mom but im gonna do wat i want to do and if i have to do it by myself then so be it!

My boggled mind and wat i should do

2008-10-07T16:12:00.000-07:00

ok continuing to wat i was sayin on the last blog about chris...well he is my ex...and then i met another guy before i found out that chris was single...i met this guy who is amazin said that he felt like there was a great vibe between the 2 of us when we first met...and then last monday he asked me if i was lookin to date so i said yes because i really didnt think that chris would get back wit me or even want to...so then i said yea that i was and so we started dating and then he offered to buy me a cellphone and a car...and i was amazed that he would do somethin like that and he told me that he would help me stay out of trouble and help me to find a job....i just need to figure out wat i want to do and i cant its too hard right now.....im back in the position of the way i was wit another situation...

My Weekend

2008-10-06T13:28:00.000-07:00

I went to my moms for the weekend...somethin i havent done in a very long time...it was a lot of fun...i spent time with my parents and ####...watched movies...chris came over for the weekend too...that was a lot of fun...also a lot of torture....but we played games and just hungout...me and chris talked a lot about wat we want to do....but idk if im really sure that i want to...he hasnt really changed...he is still kinda childish like the last time....i miss him and love him but idk if i could do it i want someone that will treat me right and treat me good....help!!!!

I got my baby back!!!!

2008-10-02T14:38:00.000-07:00

I am so excited to have my baby back...we broke up about 5 months ago and ever since we have wanted eachother back in one way or another...now that we are both single and i am movin back home...he is movin in wit me back at my parents. i never thought that we would ever get back together. He is amazing and wonderful...the best boyfriend that i could ever ask for...he is a personal heater to me and my snuggle bug....i cant wait til we both move in together and can get back to the way we used to be toward eachother but this time it will be 10 times better then before because we will always be together...and hopefully forever.

3 Musketeers

2008-10-01T11:09:00.000-07:00

So there are these 2 friends that i have...one i have known almost my whole life...she has 2 beautiful children and a wonderful husband that she has known since high school...i have gone to church with her for just about the same time that i have known her...she has been there for me since the beginning...we are both mormon but i dont go to church anymore because of the gossip that goes around...no it may not be there anymore but it most likely will be...just because of a couple of people that are there that u could call drama queens or the gossip queens...i suppose that i could try going again i know that i need it but i also know that jesus christ is true and the church itself is true...its just the certain people that are there....i will always believe in the lord and god and jesus christ whether i go to church or not. But i know that she will always be there for me and help me whether or not i go to church.
The other friend that i have i knew through high school and we were never friends before until this year...we knew each other through the one we both know so we are kinda like the 3 musketeers...she also went to church with her...but we always thought that each other were snooty and hoity toidy...but then when i broke up with my boyfriend that is when we really started talkin and getting to know each other...i currently live with her now back and forth from her moms house to her dads house...whichever house we decide to stay at...she is goin through a tough time right now and i just want her to know that i will always be there for her whether or not she realizes it. she is like a sister to me and a great friend...she has almost gone down with me even though i wouldnt want her to but she has...im glad she didnt.
we will all always be great friends...just like the 3 musketeers!